Blast From the Past

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Reposed with permission (and by request)

 

Racine Ethic Committee reviews complaint in local bar
(satire)
Racine WI. Racine Mayor Dickert had been concerned about an ethics charge levelled against him by a local watchdog group. He reportedly called for the ethics committee to convene at a local drinking establishment on Main street in downtown Racine. The Mayor stated “it’s going to save tax payers money by having them meet here because most of the committee members meet here anyway.” A source close to the group that filed the ethics complaint stated “were just glad it’s going to get looked at instead of just being blown off.” A round table was placed at the back of the bar for the committee members to convene, complimentary drink tokens were spewed about next to the ethics complaint on the table. The Mayor reportedly said “I thought it was a nice touch, I wanted them to take their time and make an informed decision.”
Ethics board members slowly left their bar stools and headed to the table set up for them in the back of the bar to conduct their official meeting. The committee was slow to start the meeting as one member was still bartending and just finishing a heated game of pinochle. The member moved from behind the bar toward the table, high-fiving the Mayor on the way. The Mayor swung around in his bar stool positing his back to the committee as to not wanting to seem influential. The mayor slapped his pants pockets making sure his city issued credit card was handily available and ordered a Miller high life and a couple of shots of Jamison. He was quoted as saying “this is going to get rough.”
The ethics committee’s official meeting was called to order. One member requested the jukebox be “plugged” so “our meeting doesn’t disturb the customers in the bar.” A suggestion was made to plug C-3 “Dire Straits Money for Nothing.” After consuming a number of high life’s and a few more shots of Jamison, the Mayor looked visibly shaken as the meeting continued longer than he expected in the corner of the bar. As he left his bar stool and headed toward the men’s restroom, he stumbled past the ethics committee table, a discerning glare was reportedly aimed at the ethics committee. Once inside the restroom he steadied himself with both hands on the wall in front of the urinal, an unidentified patron stated “he began to mumble “something like, those f-ing liberals, patriot ass holes.” After returning to his bar stool he began to loudly announce “I’m the f-ing Mayor” the bartender asked that he keep it down, but a 30 min. tirade ensued.
The official ethics committee members then called a recess. The message reportedly was “people don’t understand those bastards in Madison cut my money, and those dumb ass aldermen don’t know what to do if it weren’t for me,” “I have people to protect.” The waitress gathered up the drink tokens on the table and hurriedly rushed the drinks to the members. Three unidentified aldermen two older men and a well-dressed black man sitting in a nearby booth were nodding their heads in agreement one aldermen (Hart) was heard to say ” I can’t hear shit.”
One ethics official came to the bar and leaned into the bartender and said “call his friend supervisor Osterman, and if you can’t get a hold of him call his cousin Friedel.” Unobserved all evening was a woman wearing a large floppy straw beach hat in the opposite corner of the bar with her head in her hands mulling over her drink.
As the supervisor entered the bar he took control of the meeting stating “hasn’t this been enough for one night.” The official ethics board convened at the end of the bar, ending the meeting with an official statement “no merit for violations” as they raised their glasses to signal adjournment of the meeting. The Mayor reportedly staggered over to the ethics officials and slurring his words he stated “I’ll get those mother-f–kers for putting you good people through this.”
The door swung open and the Mayor’s cousin entered the bar “I’ll write the press story tonight” he reportedly stated to the supervisor, “You take him home.” The supervisor stated “I can’t, I have my own problems tonight “as he pointed to his wife, the floppy hat-ed woman in the corner. The Mayor’s cousin pulled a document from his leather case and asked if he could use the fax machine. He walked around the bar and remove the pickled eggs from the top of the machine and began faxing his document.
Just then a young reporter from the local newspaper entered the bar waving her hands to the bartender “no drinks for me tonight, I’m going to a baby shower.” The Mayor’s cousin said “I have your news article already written, I’m faxing it to your boss.” Reportedly a big smile came across her face and she thanked everyone as she headed for the door.
The county supervisor stated to the Mayor’s cousin “who’s taking him home” as he pointed to the Mayor. A patron and former aldermen Coe, seated at the barstool at the opposite end of the bar said “I used to take him home until he stabbed me in the back.” The Mayor reportedly bummed a cigarette off the bartender and ask an ethics committee member to “play that song again” as he began to strum his air guitar and dance in the middle of the room stating “I love you guys.”

 

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2 Responses to Blast From the Past

  1. Mr. Racine says:

    Some gangs operate under the color of law in positions of authority.

    Other gangs operate in direct violations of the law.

    Both are involved in organized crime.

  2. Mr. Racine says:

    At least John seems to like females.

    LOL!

    ‘CPAC is the Conservative Political Action Committee. It the hard right base of the Republican Party. Turns out that as soon as CPAC showed up in town, Craigslist exploded with ads for Republicans looking for hot gay sex!

    Republicans are faggots!”

    Or so this story claims: http://aattp.org/gay-sex-ads-on-craigslist-blowing-up-with-cpac-in-town/

    Is that why Rich spends so much time in the gym and Bill Kramer is charged with multiple felonies?

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