It Came From the Root River!

 

 

And you thought no Good come from RootWorks, Ha!

For bouncing around ideas to the group from a local unit of Higher Education, not a bad start.

Changes will be made to make sure the film (To be made after Go Go Girls vs the Nazis) meets the Parody element.

Yes Racine will be so happy to have this made here! Porn Stars will be in the house!

Scene 1: (Open with Sarah Walters talking with Belle City Private Detective Peter Jackford.)  

Peter Jackford: (Heard from outside his office door)
Well at this point, miss; I don’t know what to tell ya. You’re the third girl this month coming to me saying the same damn thing. 

Sarah Walters: (Nervously)
So… there’s been… others.. who got attacked?

Peter:
‘fraid so. This creature from the deep’s a fuckin’ monster… Literally. I’d say you got off easier than the others. Getting your top pulled off is usually just the start for this guy.  And, you say he just ran off after he saw your.. um.. your chest region? 
Sarah:
Yeah, off into the dark night. I ran home completely disgusted. This guy was just as slimy and smelly as most racine men, but the way he ran off, usually racine guys wait until you’re pregnant to do that part.

Peter:
Well, shit. Maybe your chest uh.. Forrest Gump’ed him or something.

Sarah:
Forrest gumped?

Peter:
Yeah, ya know. Monsters can arrive early to the party too sometimes. It’s embarrassing, I mean, I imagine it’d be embarrassing. (lights cigarette) You mind if I smoke? Calms the nerves.
Here’s the thing. This monster’s been here longer than most of these downtown yoga shops and hat stores. Problem is, can’t nobody take him down. He’s killed two cops, and three private I’s. So in my older age I sure as shit ain’t trying to pick a fight with this creature.

Sarah: 
I’ve lived downtown by the river for almost four months now. I’ve never heard a word about this thing…
Peter:
Lotta crime in this city you don’t hear about.  When you got a newspaper that sucks city hall’s dick for a living, ‘scuse my language mam. And the police department, they don’t want some disgusting, over grown, river freak messing up their downtown crime stats. So if they’re willing to reclassify an armed assault or two, what’s the big deal about lying to the public about a river monster?

Sarah: 
Why doesn’t somebody just shoot the damn thing?
Peter:
(Blows out the final puff of his cigarette)
 Alright look, you didn’t hear this from me. You definitely didn’t hear this from me.  You know Mayor Dickeey? He’s got a lot of friends in this city. And if you’re a friend, it don’t matter how fucked up you are. Your ass is covered. You could be 70 grand behind on your taxes, a useless bum with a radio show, whoever. Your ass is covered by this mayor. 
Sarah:
Why the hell is our mayor friends with this perverted monster?

Peter:
They were best buddies back in high school. Some catholic brain washing university if ya ask me. Anyways, this river man didn’t always used to look like he does now. Right outta high school he got a job at Jeffeson Wax, as a chemical engineer.  They say he was brilliant, but didn’t even last a year on the job. Poor guy got addicted to the lemon-flavored window cleaner he designed. Started free basing lemon heads and heroin. Fucker mutated himself, grew gills and fins, took to living under water.
Sarah: 
Jesus… I almost feel bad for the sick fuck. So you can’t help me, and everyone in this little city’s too scared to upset the mayor and kill this thing?

Peter: 
Sorry beautiful, but you got that right. If the monster doesn’t kill you, Dickeey and his friends will find a way to shut anybody up. I know a couple ladies that just might be crazy enough to help you though. Lemme see if I still have a number for them. (Goes through desk.)
(Phone rings twice)
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